The Myriad and Disparate Symptoms of Grief and Loss
Written by Stephanie Foxman, MS, LPC
If there was ever any question that the human mind and body are indivisible, grief provides incontrovertible evidence. Significant losses can be registered in every nook and cranny of our mind-body complex, as illustrated by the myriad, disparate symptoms associated with grief. Headaches, joint pain, negative thinking, social awkwardness, and changes in appetite are just a few of the many ways that grief can manifest.
The human nervous system connects the brain and spinal cord to each and every part of the body via an extensive network of nerves. As information travels along this super-highway of nerves bidirectionally – from brain to body, and from body to brain – chemical messengers get released to direct traffic and manage overall functioning. Because grief impacts the nervous system and the release of chemical messengers, the symptoms of grief can run the gamut. Below are just some of the many symptoms that my clients report in our work together. Which of these resonate with you?
Physical symptoms – Low energy, body aches/joint pain, chest tightness, feeling physically off balance, susceptibility to colds, hair loss, jaw clenching.
Emotional symptoms – Shock, disbelief, sadness, despair, longing, emptiness, relief, anxiety, hopelessness, ennui, grief bursts (crying at unexpected and/or inconvenient moments).
Cognitive symptoms – Brain fog, decision fatigue, forgetfulness, diminished concentration, low motivation, sensitivity to lights and sounds.
Social symptoms – Feeling exposed and self-conscious around people, or feeling unable to spend time alone.
Spiritual/religious symptoms – Questioning your faith, feeling angry with God or the Universe, concerns about the afterlife, loss of purpose/meaning.
Behavioral and functional symptoms – Difficulties with sleep including being unable to sleep, sleeping much more than usual, or nightmares; difficulties with eating including reduced appetite or overeating; difficulties with attending to personal hygiene and/or home hygiene; feeling disconnected from yourself or from the world around you (dissociation); engaging in self-defeating coping behaviors.
Far from being pathological, grief is in fact a natural, unavoidable and difficult aspect of the human experience. In my work with clients who are grieving, I strive to undo the aloneness that can arise when there are limited social outlets for grieving. While I tailor the work with each client to address their specific needs, here are some of the tasks we might address in our work together:
Reviewing the Mourner’s Bill of Rights
Fully attending to the many conflicting thoughts and emotions accompanying the loss
Identifying, acknowledging and processing the secondary impacts
Allowing time and space to be in grief
Exploring positive coping strategies
Learning nervous system regulation skills such as butterfly taps, physiological sigh, and unclenching jaw/releasing tongue from upper palate
Slowly orienting to a new normal
Fostering enduring bonds to the deceased, when appropriate
Noticing glimmers of groundedness, wellness, humor, hope or possibility that might arise alongside the grief
Cultivating meaning, purpose and energy to move forward in valued directions
In the case of traumatic loss, we might utilize eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to address symptoms such as panic, intrusive memories and avoidance. We slow things down and attend to the nervous system. As the “C” qualities of wellness begin to emerge – calm, clarity, compassion, connection, curiosity, creativity, courage and confidence – we can be sure that healing is underway.
If you or someone you know is grieving, therapy can help. I encourage you to reach out and schedule a brief complimentary phone consultation with me; together we can explore whether I might be helpful to you.